I heard just as much as my soul going to cry in pain~

The outing~ I meant camp was a total different feelings. We were there to be taught to be someone~ all the value~ At that time, I realise who I really am~ I'm such a hot temper, and its like impossible for me to hold myself together whereas i was so control by my own emotions. My personal grudges against some of the community members taken over me. The desire to beat them and show them that I'm not weak. I'm someone who have feelings too, no matter how I have change, As a friends once.. Why aren't they helping me to become who I was once instead keep pushing me to the edge? That, they have to answer it themself.
I know I have change~ I have fell into a deep tunnel and i'm unable to find the way out where as there is no light, to guide me. No matter how perfect someone is, they can't be the best without their friends. But please, if you hate me just say it infront of me, don't have to hide it and discuss it among each other la, gossip this and that~ I listen too to what people talking. just dont, it will make you all sound so "low".
My parent have given me a scolding, pointing out every mistakes I have done. it hurts but its the truth. I wanted to change, I really want to but I'm just can't seem to be doing well.. Everytime I tried, I only make more and more people disliking me. Now, Im officially friendless, laugh if you think this is funny but its not. Im a human too, something that have feelings, and a being that searchs for love and caring and not to live as a blue bulbs among the yellows'