A form of sickness, that can't be cured with medicine~

Hmm~ Finally someone scolded me~ For being such a hot tempered person, a stubborn donkey~ A person who denied failure and a person full with grudges~
I have look too highly on myself until it have took over my self conscious and betray my own soul and heart~ Far more, I never thought I was like that~
Last night, I was scolded by my parents and they pointed out everything~ Even Joyce said I have change~ For someone who know my bases well, if she said I have change then I must have change~ Its so clear that my parent who not with us can tell that I hold personal grudges on Joyce~ This sickness of mine, slowly eating away myself and feared most, I might loss myself one day and in the end, wanted to commit suicide.. The torment in me is so heavy~ cause I choose to walk on this road~
After last night conversation with my parent~ or more to say they scolded me. When they talk to me in a tone~ that makes me know that I have done something wrong~ After that, I went to bed and lend on the corner of the room, on the floor~ Couldn't have my eyes close~ I think I have cried~ but i will not admit that~ I just got sand into my eyes~ Must have been~ And so I think through the whole night~ Maybe what they say can be true, I'm have no friends~ No many I meant~ And far more shockingly, My mother actually pointed me not happy cause of Joyce and Bryan Kho~ That i'm surprise~ Someone betray me..? Nah~ I don't hope thats true~
Haiy~ So many things have happen~ I really hope there's someone here to help me now~ To comfort me~ to tell me everythings alright~ Well~ in my dreams maybe~ Its alright~ I can hold on~ Only this year~ next year everything is gonna be alright~ No one will know me~ No one will care nor hate me~ I just be who I m~ A person with dark past~ Haiy~